What I've Learned So Far

The mysterious land of Europe has whispered some of its secrets into my ear as I've traveled through its lands. Here's what I've learned so far.

• All Danes are super good looking.
• These people love love love icecream.
• Europeans think their heads are enormous, judging by the size of their pillows.
• Urban planners make sure to include room for a bakery on every block.
• The only cities that are worth anything are ones that touch water.
• The fastest way to befriend a German is to criticize the beer from any other city but the one that they're from.
• Drink apple juice and soda water. It's what flows from the fountains in Paradise.
• The courtyards in front of and behind churches are great places to hold markets, set up your bar's patio overflow, or play chess, checkers or ping pong.