Blondes Are More Fun and Other Important Beer Lessons

A word or two concerning the next few beers. I had chosen as travel destinations, and quite without meaning to (this is quickly becoming a theme), two German cities with a bitter/sweet rivalry.

...

Oh come on, that's clever.

I learned of this upon my arrival in Dusseldorf. Chatting with the hostel attendant, I told him I was in Dusseldorf mainly for its legendary beer culture. When he found out I was heading to Cologne after my stay in Dusseldorf, he sneered jokingly and told me not to bother. "Their beer is so sweet!"

And he wasn't wrong. Dusseldorf and Cologne, a short train ride apart, have very different beers. Dusseldorf's Altbiers are hoppy and bitter, reminiscent of a Canadian lager. Cologne's Kolsches are light, pale and tend to finish sweetly. Both beers, however, are treated similarly. In both cities, beer houses have a 'house beer' that is served in short and narrow sleeves. It is standard practice to keep a tally of how many house beers a table has had by marking the patron's coaster with a tick for every beer ordered.

It's the kind of beer culture I'd been longing for, one that was habitual, instinctual, cultural, and highly social. I had a great time with the beers in both cities.

Dusseldorf

Diebels Alt

Crisp, bitter and full-bodied without ever allowing its flavours and qualities to overwhelm one another. Its balance leans towards hoppy but still leaves traces of malt.

Schlosser Alt

A strong and bitter flavour that nevertheless flirts with a caramel-like note within its malt-tinted finish. I was a big fan of its subtleties.

Schlussel Alt

It carried a malty aroma. It was sweet and very pleasant to start but finished abruptly in bitterness. I chuckled as I took note of this. 'Just like a relationship,' I added in the margins.

Früh Kölsch

At the time that I bought this beer I was unfamiliar with Kölsch. I would learn soon enough: Früh's reminded me of a pilsener due to its dry, almost flavourless quality, especially striking after so much altbier.

Veltins Pilsener

This one had a little more character, with notes of sweet corn complementing its prickly, carbonated texture.

Bitburger Premium Pils

This pilsener begins light and clear, but fades to a sharp bitterness that overcomes the entire palate.

Cologne

Reissdorf Kölsch

This was the first beer I ordered after my less than enjoyable train ride to Cologne. The lovely server heard me wrong, or rather, I very poorly pronounced the word 'kölsch,' so that he brought me out a bottle of coke, which of course costs about a Euro more. When he came back to take a food order, I made sure to point emphatically at the 'Reissdorf Kolsch' listed on the menu.

It was all around faintly sweet, but with a medium carbonation that lifted the sweetness and danced it along your tongue. I probably ordered three or four of them before returning to my hostel.

Schneider Weissebier

This was a 'Oh-my-goodness-get-me-on-a-patio-and-out-of-the-sun' beer. You know the kind. I will say this about Germans: they don't sweat over wasps. I bashed my sorry head against the parasol post probably four times trying to evade the wasp that eventually went for a dip in my beer (I fished it out with a knife). Meanwhile, the locals sharing my table waved at it like a butterfly.

Schneider Weisse was medium-carbonated, had a striking sweet and sour quality and fully occupied the palate.

Gaffel Kölsch

This was one of the beers on offer at my hostel in Cologne. It served its purpose of washing down a couple store-bought salads. It balanced out well and contained a medium, if subdued, maltiness.

Klausterbrauerie Kirsch Bier

I had this one at the Medieval festival. I had no idea what to expect but I'd seen a few people with it in hand so I had a go myself. As soon as it hit my tongue I was completely nonplussed. I thought I'd hit upon a very strong cider. It was overwhelmingly cloying and sweet, and finished tart. Apparently it's a fruit beer... What?

Brussels

Piedboeuf's Jupiler

You can find this bad boy anywhere in Brussels, including the little Italian deli I found that was the closest WiFi to the Midi station. Maybe it was the act of drinking from a small can, or the colours on it, but it made me think of Old Milwaukee or Budweiser. Sweet to start, bitter finish, with little to no dominant flavour.

Achouffe's La Chouffe

I had just begun rereading The Hobbit on my kindle when the waiter placed this beauty before me. This was another love at first sight. Strong, complicated, and captivating: how could I resist? Its aroma carries its malt and heat, which hits you when you take a sip, hiding at first under the carbonation and then growing on your palate, until you have no idea of what to make of it. Its floral notes are an afterthought, but overall a beer that changes with and throughout every taste.

Lindeman's Gueuze

Its follow-up, my first Gueuze, was just as confusing to my foreign tongue. I may speak French but my taste buds don't recognize Belgian. At first it reminded me of a very tart cider, but over time I caught on to how it's carbonation lifted the sweetness in a very beer-like manner. Nevertheless, I tasted a strong grape presence, and the flavours I associate with tart white wine. I will seek out more of these beers: the more confused I am, the more I am interested.

Grimbergen Blonde

This is the beer I drink as I write this post (well, actually, that bottle's kicked and I've started on the ever-loved Duvel). Its understated sweetness, paired with its herbal notes, are the reason I love blondes. They're refreshing and interesting without shaking you up too much.